Ok emotional writing again.
To my lovely girls,
I feel like I needed to write this so that one day when you are older, you can read this, relate to what I have to say and reflect on it.
Life is like a roller coaster ride. There are times your heart just wants to explode of fear, sometimes out of excitement, sometimes it is just mundane. That's life in a nutshell. You know all those dramas that we watch, yes all those malay dramas where there's always twist in the plot. That's life. You won't know when the twist will come lurking behind your back and sometimes you are so off guard that you get so overwhelmed. Fret not my babies. Ingat we come to the world alone, we'll leave this world alone and during those hard times too, you are alone, no one will truly feel and understands what you are going through, what you feel. But remember
Allah ada. Grumble, complain pour your heart out to Him. He will listen and He will relieve you from the pain. InsyaAllah. Always have faith and keep on believing. When you feel the world has turned their back on you, He will always be there. God will not test you if He knows that you can't get through it.
One day I will leave this world, and you will feel that you have lost your wings. It's ok my babies, losing a mother is never easy. It doesn't matter at what age you lose them. It's only natural you feel lost at first. CRY. It's ok. One thing that I think i did not do enough is CRY when I lost your mamapah. I kept myself busy taking care of your cousin Hannah that all the emotions got bottled up inside. That when it explode I was such an emotional wrecked. Heal yourself, in time you will get back on your feet and busy with the world around you. Eventually I will not be in your mind just as much, but I know I will always be in your heart. Especially during tough times and when you fell sick. When that happens, it's ok you can cry once in a while. Nobody expects you to be strong.
When bad things happen to you, don't pity yourself too much. Life as you probably know by now gives you curved balls. When you have one of those, believe me things happen for a reason, Sometimes you feel so confused and you will only know the reason years from what had happened. I know this will be hard and almost impossible, but don't worry, eventually you will get the hang of it. Laugh and shake it off. Get up and see the
glass half cup full. From your misery, sometimes you bring happiness to people.
When you hit rock bottom, don't worry, as Moon said (kalau dah tengok Sing) "The only way is to go up!". This is true. I have my fair share of this. And when you look back you will feel a sense of satisfaction when you made it up. Remember, there will always be people who wants to see you fall. They will kick you when you are already down. Clap their hands and take advantage of your misfortune, It doesn't matter, chin up my babies. I believe you can get through this, and eventually you will know what to do and what's best for you.
Always surround yourself with
positive people. People who loves and appreciates you. Limit your time with
negative people. Positive people gives positive results in your life. Negative people puts you down in a black hole. Know when to say NO! It's ok! Because not everybody deserves your time, energy and effort. Have some self respect.
Down the road, there will always be people who will take advantage of your kindness. Remember not to be too nice. But the more people takes advantage of you, remind yourself that you are a kind person. I've raised you right. Always be kind and nice. Smile, Laugh! You will never understand what others had went through that particular day or what problem do they have. If you can't help, be pleasant. That will help them get through their day. Always remember this, and I always REMIND you this as well "Treat people the way you want to be treated". Nobody wants a cranky, grumbling person around them.
I love you my babies. I know I can be crazy garang sometimes, but I want you guys to turn up well. There are a lot of shitty people that I have came across, two timing, backstabbers, pretentious and people that makes your world go crazy. And I don't want any of you to turn up this way. Be honest with your feelings. People may not like it, but truth hurts anyways that is why a lot of people turn their back on them. I may not be the mother that will always vouch for you, but know this that you are not always right. As long as I live, I will guide you and will be there to support you but if you are making mistakes I will not hesitate to "spank" you. If I vouch for you, I'm afraid that you will turn up to be the people I despise the most.
Lastly my babies, when you feel like you don't know what to do, when you feel like you can't move forward or backwards, remember to just take a step back, breathe and DANCE! Yes dance my babies, find a song that brings u up again and dance. I'm sure by now, you would have remembered that you have danced with me through my tough times. No it was not just a dance session, but it was me trying to figure out my reality, problems and troubles. Having you girls is the best thing that I have ever done. Know that you are my strength and my reason to go on. I LOVE YOU and I hope one day, you will have a chance to love your mini yous just as much as I did.
